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I cannot believe this! There is a live feed of the funeral. I just feel that this should be private, but hey I ain’t all Hollywood. CNN is doing a good job of covering it. KCAL 9 started with breaking news about the service then cut into that with more breaking news about a high speed chase. How they on CPT? They started 1 ½ hrs late. Oh well. He will be in Freedom or Holy something and when I was on the bus on my way home I was stretching my neck trying to catch a glimpse of the cemetery and I saw a big castle like building, but no telling if that’s the one that was shown on TV. Sammy Davis Jr. is over there. I am not too keen on Mausoleums. I just seems like a lock up for the dead. Pretty, but quiet and cold. Needs warmth. I really don’t know how I feel. This 3rd funeral is just as surreal as the first 2. It’s like I see it, but I don’t fully accept it. I play along with everyone in acknowledging it, but in my heart of hearts it’s an absolutely unacceptable notion.
Headline News is running a recorded version of the service. They are doing a great job as well. It’s good that they are focusing on the positive. They said it still feels surreal. Like it just happened and for me it is not as fresh. My breakdowns are less frequent. I can function much better. Hey, I can watch headline news cover his funeral. They were just really pushing for people to remember his music, his legacy. Not the circumstances under which he passed. This is such a downer.
I love you. I love you. I love every one of your faces. Everything about yourself you didn’t like I liked enough for us both. You are a testament to how no matter what; your message endures. If not how could I have fallen in love so many years after the media had turned on you. How is it that I can become a devoted fan in 1998? How do you dedicate your adoration in the way that I have.
OOH, that reporter guy said it was a full moon tonight. How fitting and interesting. Umh, Diana Ross didn’t show up. I worry for her. Chris Tucker and Mac were there…and Mila Kunis was sitting talking to Mac. Gladys Knight sang some song. I like her voice. Guess that Aretha story didn’t pan out. I have yet to describe my grief, my loss, my hurt, my anger, my confusion. I just don’t think there are words yet, to describe it. I’ve been writing everyday since June 25 2009 and I still haven’t been able to really convey how deeply rooted and all consuming this is for me. I am not a screamer or a yeller. I may talk loud, but scream/yell…I just don’t do it. I am starting to think a body shuddering scream that would shake trees and make birds spring from its branches would free this dark stain from my heart and mind, but how do you even do that? I’m probably going to cry when I lie down tonight.
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