by 
10-2-2009
I think of how much he must have really disliked what he saw in the mirror. To go through all of that he wasn’t no bitch when it came to the possibility of pain. He needed on of those validity kisses like the one Shug Avery gave Ceelie when they were playing dress up.
It’s amazing how we never see the beauty in ourselves. And when people point it out it makes us feel embarrassed, ashamed, uncomfortable, bashful. Its like believing you could not possibly be worthy of their praise. I know how it is to look in the mirror and not like everything you see. But I try not to let it consume me. Besides, I couldn’t do anything about it in my current financial state anyway. It will just make me more depressed than I already am. The Queen of Suppression.
I feel as if I don’t have anything tangible to offer people.
I may have already said this, but Nick Cannon favors Randy Jackson (Mike’s Brother) when he was younger.
I wonder ho much people get paid for their own reality shows?
“George was never my scene and I don’t like Star Wars”
~Lyric to Bicycle Races by Queen
It’s amazing how much Beatles stuff you can see out now, now that they can use the music. Come Together is like on 2 national ad campaigns.
I am imagining too strong. I envisioned my Shakeabadadown reception choreography and actually felt the dizziness of the turn or something. It was weird. I did an ice skating move without the ice and skates. bot sure if that is possible. That was weird. I felt a slight roller coaster stomach thingy.
10-3-09
Living in California makes this all the more real to me and I don’t want real. It’s haunting me. Every time I go to work I pass the cemetery and have ti acknowledge that he MAY be over there somewhere It’s really really sad.
I don’t think that any men’s colognes smell goof. It just all smells the same to me. Not necessarily stinky, but just the same.
Why is Trojan all of a sudden making advances in condom technology?In the past 5 years they have been very innovative and have an actual advertising campaign. There used to never be condom commercials on TV.
“Pass me a sissy soul sucker I’ll slay him”
~LL Cool J
Why is Cheryl Lee Ralph always so dramatic? She is never NOT on.
10-4-09
Where is Outkast?
The fact of being human is a blessing and a curse. Damn the ability to reason.
How do you know if you’re alive? Cause I’m dead on the inside.
I’m profoundly lost. I know, people tell me I am not alone, but I am…all alone. I feel as if I am locked inside a room padded with black foam pillows. Those pillows have accusing faces vicious mouths. They tear me apart limb by limb. Then build me up again just to continue their insatiable rage. They spout things like NO, You Can’t. They are an obstacle. They impede my soul from flying away. This is my prison. Guarded by these demonic apparitions. This is my living hell.
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