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I remember growing up where skinny was in. Skinny was everything. If you had any curvature you were akin to an unwanted dog. My skin, my body, my hair, it was downplayed, degraded, sullied, and talked about with disdain.
As a child I was the little girl with the big butt. I was sexually harassed by boys from as early as the 2nd grade. I was ashamed. There was never anything definitive done about the harassment. The best case scenario was that my desk was moved away from the offending boy, but I still got glares and smart remarks from him. At times when the teacher stepped out of the room some boys made a point to come over to my desk or walk by my desk just to give me a hard time. At times it felt easier to just be harassed than to fight. When you fought the treatment things became worse. I used to pray every night that I wouldn’t get big breasts like my mom because it was hard to handle having a well-endowed posterior as a child. Big breasts would just be a nail in my self-worth and esteem coffin.
Now I see people wanting my body, but not me. They want the white chick to have my curves. How can they covet the black woman’s body, but not her? With technology they can take the things they like about me and place them on the body of the non-black woman they really want. Why date a black woman for her curves when you can get your white girl some implants and injections to give her that same look. It’s the best of both worlds: body without the skin color.
It cheapens what god has given me. People see my ass, not me. I’ve had men say the most vulg
ar things to me as I passed them on the street. It infuriated me, but what could I do? I felt powerless. It is hard to grasp that women want my body type. They want it because of the attention it gets them, but they are adults who are getting enhancements to achieve my curvature. They didn’t have to struggle through years of youth with the shame.
Body shame, yep, the thing so many women want is what makes me ashamed of myself. Sometimes even as an adult I struggle with it depending on my environment. What I do to try to love myself and perk up is to do things that make me happy and that bring me peace. If my mind and mood are in alignment and in a good place, thinking about my body and how I wish it just blended in melts away. In turn I am just happy to be me. I empower myself with positivity. What do you do to embrace yourself and combat body shame?
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