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Did it hurt that bad? Where did it hurt? Can I kiss it and make it feel better; bring you back. How selfish of me to want to bring you back from your peace, but I am in an inner chaotic hell. Did it hurt? Did you realize it was coming? I worry because I don’t want you to suffer. Did you think you were falling asleep? I worry for myself sometimes. Is there anyone out there feeling the way that I am feeling. Maybe some 35 year old chick in Romania and an 18 year old boy in Tokyo. I feel all alone. I feel so strongly, it’s so all encompassing at times that I worry about myself because I have no one who understands me, understands how I feel. You can imagine, empathize…but you really don’t feel me and my pain. They don’t understand the connection. How I can be absolutely floored and rendered useless by it. I don’t know. It’s this something special. This something that is hard to describe without feeling not quite right. Not quite right because in the eyes of society it is weird. It’s stupid. They say, “You didn’t even know him.” But somehow I feel I did. Somehow I know I did. I can feel it. It’s in my heart. It has shaped my being. LIML- My Heart Shakeabadadown-My Soul
I can feel the sorrow welling up inside me again. I’ve done pretty well for the past month, but I think I’ve been holding it in. Suppressing it down down deep. But it’s seeping out. You noxious gas of a feeling. Maybe it will fill my room and I’ll never wake up. None the wiser; deceased from grief. I’ll see you then, huh?
As down as I was like 3 minutes ago…I have found a new happy thing. I just need to watch my video of us arriving at and leaving Neverland and it makes me giggle. Even my Neverland Deer video (with the Neverland Deer song as the score) is silly.
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