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July 7 2009
I had a dream during the wee hours of this morning. I met Mike and he was acting, He was better then we thought he would be. It was a role that displayed anger and assertiveness. I think my mom and some kid or two was with us. We got the hook up on being able to go to the set. It was 1981 Mike with the DSTYGE white shirt and black pants on. They were calling him Chris. He was hugging us all and thanking us for coming. I tried giving him a kiss on the cheek when we were leaving, but he pulled back. I felt kinda salty because he wouldn’t let me give him a peck on the cheek. He was shooting scenes with clenched fists in a movie. Not put up your dukes fists, but in a strong determined, I’m trying to get my point across kind of way. He had to raise his voice and invoke conviction too. Then we left and went down some old broken stairs that used to be Yankee Stadium. The set was a Midwest/East Coast vacant lot with the usual bricks and stuff strewn about.
I’m on the orange line-on my way to the memorial. I’m nervous. I have the bubble guts, am clinching my lips tight and have my hands crossed in my lap. The news said they might bring the body to the Staples Center. I hope not. I’m gonna break down, I know it.
I’m inside and premiere seating is pretty good. I just saw Phillip Bailey and Verdeen walking on the floor below. We saw Miko Brando down there too. I got a souvenir booklet. They are playing Man In The Mirror and I am Jammin On The One! I signed the big Mike banner outside of the Staples center. I saw Larry King and John Singleton come in on the big screen. When we were walking up the street we saw Jesse Jackson walking towards us. I got a quick bad pic of him about to get into a SUV. I have cried already. Glad I didn’t wear eyeliner.
9:59am and the twins texted Alesia that the procession is outside. I am so going to cry. How rude of these people! Kobe Bryant walked in and people started cheering. I like the ladies sitting to my left. They are cool and talkative. The crowd needs to show way more respect. They are going to start standing and clapping when the family comes in. The musicians are starting to dabble. Some people are in here. The lights are starting to sway. Smokey read a statement from Diana. She is too broken to be here and Nelson Mandela sent a statement, as well. I wonder how Elizabeth is doing. People are just spectating. Not really here to pay their respects. The family came in and the crowd stood for them.
AFTER: The service is over. I hurt. I just broke down towards the end. Sure enough the brothers came in wheeling a casket. That made me cry. Like, this just can’t be. Rev. Al really hit home with thanking Mike. Felt like church. I dunno why Kobe Bryant was there. Magic Johnson was the first person to come up with something genuine to say. Mike ate KFC! I eat KFC too! Brooke was just broken. She made me laugh. I just wanted to give her a hug. I liked the “what’s up with the glove?” statement. I agree with Steve. I hoped I wouldn’t live to see the day either. Smokey was genuine and able to lift the feel of the room. Steve just had to sing the I never Thought You’d Leave In Summer song. Man, that made me sad. The photos and imagery they showed was nice. They played his music before the show. Is said show….SERVICE started. Farewell My Summer Love. One Day In Your Life. I wanna be Where You Are, SMILE, which just tore my heart apart. The view out of my eyes just doesn’t seem the same. I enjoyed singing. I wish I had someone to sing with. I feel that singing would be therapeutic for me. Lionel Richie was cool. Mariah brought back Trey Lorenz. Yay, and he hit that note! I miss real songs. Jennifer Hudson did good. Still don’t know her connection. That little white boy was awesome, but why is his name Shyheim? Maybe he is mixed? Jermaine surprised me. DAMN, He Does Have Pipes! That was absolutely beautiful. I had never seen live footage of him singing a ballad in his adult voice. I finally got to see The Jacksons, but without their star. Seems really cruel. I like Latoya’s hats. I wonder where Elizabeth is at. I know she’s hurtin. Usher was amazing, although what he sang escapes me. That break down did me in. The brothers and Janet had to console him. I like how he paid his respects to Mama Kate and the kids. I don’t know why, but since he passed away I have been calling her Mama Kate. The children were so beautiful. God be with them. Who was that background singer who led the last couple of songs? She was thorough! Tyrese was randomly up there on stage although he was not a part of the program. I liked the fact that Sheila Jackson Lee drove home the point of INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY. I’ll research the proclamation 600 thing. I also liked when Rev. Al said to the children “there was nothing strange about your father. What was strange was the way he was treated.” Some lady behind us kept screaming (well only twice) “the king of pop is going to heaven” or something. I was irritated. Someone started a MICHAEL chant. They had a cool graphic going around the arena w/ his name, pic and the dates…and I think TKOP. I think Berry Gordy called him The Greatest Entertainer Ever, saying that TKOP isn’t big enough.. I don’t like how Berry Gordy brought up the fact that he questions some of Mike’s decisions. That sounds judgmental and is there some resentment in there from some old stuff? I’m just sayin. I sure hated to see Marlon break down like that. You know I always be telling ya’ll. “YA’LL BE SLEEPING ON MARLON!” I like the bad fro and buck teeth story. I have a pic of him in that get up. Oh Michael, what am I going to do?
Oh, before it started they played I don’t know why I love you and People Make the world go round. All Covered By Mike! They were heavy on the young Mike music. That casket looked so small, short. I’m almost at a loss for words. I don’t expect the majority of those who read this to understand my love for Michael, but what I do appreciate is your kind words and support. If you know me at all, then you know that this has been the hardest thing for me and the worst thing to ever happen to me. Ya’ll just don’t know. Ya’ll just don’t know. Ho w when I listen to his music, stare into his eyes, or see that beautiful smile I am lifted. I am at peace. I am understood and most of all I am loved. He is a treasure.
I can’t foresee when I‘ll stop crying. My soul will be weeping from this loss for the rest of my days. I saw the older bro from 3T in the audience. He looks really good. I don’t know if I could holla, but he has grown into a nice looking young man. Puts me in mind of E’ Cas but less feminine and artificial looking.
I am a better person for having lost myself in Michael’s gift.
That Coretta Scott King story that Bernice told about him calling from the Middle East to check on her and ask if she had music in her room was nice. The Good Samaritan. On another note: JACKIE CAN STILL GET IT! I also learned Mike recorded Stevie’s I never though you’d leave in summer song. How is he dead? I just don’t understand. Today was such a bittersweet day. I forgot about Queen Latifah. Dunno her connection either, but I don’t question her place and purpose in today’s events because I know she is a genuine person. I liked the Maya Angelou poem. I saw Meredith Vieira walking out of the Staples Center as we were standing in line. Saw Deborah Lee from BET on a platform getting interviewed by some network. I liked how Marlon said that Mike would always wear the same shoes wherever they went. Cool and comfy. Mike be borderline country, but he makes it work. He had a plaid shirt on under that captain jacket he wore to visit Ronald Reagan at the white house.
He gone? Killing Danny Softly is in my head. Beautiful. Just beautiful execution.
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