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July 2 2009
It was a week ago today and I feel as if my soul has been raked over hot coals. The month of June will always be a melancholy one henceforth. His beauty haunts me. This just really makes no sense to me. It all feels very unreal. I know I keep saying that, but this just proves my consistency in rabid emotion. Emotions can be rabid if they infect others you come into contact with. Was it but a soul that blanketed the world with love, was it not a strong man who took the bows and arrows of ignorance with grace. His hands are cold. I am just imagining him in a box, all alone. When I see him he has his glasses on. Cute, his little old man reading glasses. They gave me a chuckle during the 2nd trial. I guess I envision the trial Mike. Maybe in that white suit. How do you dress a person for a funeral if they wear tailored Italian suits all of the time? I hope they use a nice neutral lip color. That red gotsta go. They should put the tape on his fingers. I bet ya’ll never paid attention, but once he got as light as he was going to get his nail beds were still dark. Wasn’t it funny when he hit the late middle aged spread around the time of that invincible album? Mike had belly! I wonder who cut his hair. Looked like he went swimming then drove with the top down in a convertible and just went with it. Hey! That was probably his own hair. He sings the Siegfried and Roy theme song. It was featured on that Siegfried & Roy Tiger cartoon a few years back too. Now why is he alive? Guess it’s that God’s plan thing. I think Mike sleeps on his side. I always start off on my left side. I bet something major went down between Mike and Joe. Not fisticuffs, but definitely some heated words. Let me think, have I ever heard Mike talk loudly or yell? On The Wiz he got mad at Richards Pryror and yelled a quote. But that was acting; maybe it would be different in real life. Mike plays meek and mild for the public, but I think if pushed he’d defend himself. One of those, You’re not my son anymore type of deals. I’m rationalizing Joe’s behavior thus far. Very unbecoming of a “grieving father”. Oh well, glad he ain’t mine. I’m not going to my fathers funeral anyway. I’m back to the Wiz again…Richard Pryor and Theresa Hines Merritt are dead too. That leaves Diana and Lena Horne…and where in the hell is she anyway? Ain’t seen her since a different world. I’m scared to go to sleep without watching a movie or something. I don’t want to start thinking about it in darkness and silence, except for the crickets outside. I haven’t had a dream about him during my naps, but I do daydream about him a lot. I don’t get steady rest. Either because of my grief or family obligations.
I wonder did he have to try harder to breath after all of the surgery. I have done this since before I was even a fan, but when I ponder it I sometimes squeeze my nostrils together. Bet he can’t have any nose hair. I wonder if he became a mouth breather. I hate mouth breathers. What id he got a sinus infection and the lining of his nose swelled. Mine does that, I’m allergic to California. I don’t have allergies back east. If he has allergies I bet he’d need oxygen those nostrils are so tight. I got my first honk, smile, and wave in regard to my MJ Forever tribute on my car’s back window. It felt good. Kinda got teary. It was a black lady in an altima with a curl. It looked nice and well kept. I listened to the end of Butterflies in the car without crying. Nothing going on at Neverland. I kinda still want to go though. Maybe I can get some Neverland grass. Mad, I took off work for the possible thing that aint gonna happen Friday. Been singing “Baby Don’t Make Me Fly Away” in my mind…
Our loves and ocean. Give me a notion cause you know I’ll never part. Our love get by. I love in season give me a chance because you know I’ll never part our love get. And together we’ll fly. I give you my heart. There’s no place to far for us. We don’t (inaudible mike word)
Pretty song. He let Rebbie record it. He wrote Centipede and does the background vocals. That song is so tight! Didn’t even dawn on me that that song has sexual connotations until Tessa mentioned it. Eww Eww Eww! Ooh, now I hear “Just Good Friends’ by him and Stevie. They are magic together. Wish we had footage of them live on the Bad tour. We can only find still photos.
Part II
Checked out Westside Story from the library. The sound at the very beginning of this movie (where nothing happens but music and the screen changes color) is the same sound from Smooth Criminal before they go slow motion and there are similarities in the settings of and this movie and TWYMMF. It sounds almost like a whistle. It sure as hell takes them a long time to set the mood of this movie. Even the finger snaps are the part where there’s talking and they be like…hey how you doin’ man brutha brutha. This movie is about to be real gay. And the sight of these white dues trying to be rhythmic is funny in a bad way. DAMN, that video IS Westside Story. Even the mean dirty city streets are the same, but Mike did it at night and added some blue light. Blue is his favorite color. I see it in the choreography too. This movie is really gay. Glad they finally started saying stuff. All of those menacing dancer guys stares were stupid. I guess you can dance a fight. I’d prefer Fred and Ginger any day. This movie is rather long. I’ve lost interest. I was able to watch a little of the Matt Lauer thingy at Neverland on the computer at the library. I like the dark woods and brick walks. It feels very warm. I wonder where all of his stuff is at? It’s been 1 day 1 hour and 28 minutes.
Went to Best Buy to buy a new camera battery for Tuesday. It was $40 but well worth it. I do worry about my memory. I may just delete my inauguration pics off the camera. They had History and The Essential on DVD. Yea, I didn’t even know they made History on DVD. I have all of that on VHS. I’ve been buying old magazines and memorabilia in the past 5 years so the video thing hasn’t been updated in quite a while. The only real difference is that History has Brace Yourself and Remember the Time. I didn’t get sad when I was looking at the packaging. The Essential has YANAL, You Rock My World, and TDRCAU. I am tired of typing the titles out. If you are a fan you know what these acronyms mean. I love the Who Is It Video. The lighting is cold and that mirrors the way that he feels because the chick is cheating on him. I like it when he lies down on the plane. His eyes move! I’m still afraid to watch my videos and footage. And that is what usually makes me happy when I’m bored. I feel energized. Stevie played a song called Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet. It’s him and the J5. I never knew that. I had heard that song before but only today did I pick up on the fact the Stevie sang, “Sing Jackson 5 sing” right before every chorus. And they are doing the hook. Oh oh oh ba doo doo wop. Damn, wish I had the internet. I’d so be limewiring that. Stevie said they had a lot of fun recording the song. They played air hockey in the studio. Took like 4 hrs. Did ya’ll know that Don King did all of the promotion behind The Victory Tour. Susan called them a bunch of gangsters. Joe, Rev Jesse Jackson and Don. Don’t be sleeping on Rev, he from the south side of Chicago. I listened to funky Jacksons 70’s music in the car. I had been singing Get It Together for a little and thought it was on my Mike Funky Bad CD…it wasn’t. Maybe I can’t hear the adult Mike voice. The teenaged one was coo. But the adult one just rips my heart out. More good news. I’m back on the schedule Friday. Gotta offset the cost of the $40 battery. Finally finishing the long ass movie. Now I see the Best It video. And the gangs do say beat it a lot. Must have been his fave movie. Oh damn, there’s the knife fight! How in the hell is Tony and Maria this deep in love in 2 days? I kid you not I see the Bad choreography I in this keep it cool dance scene! And the yelling of pow all of the time! Ok, this is freaky…running from Joe Pesci’s car in moonwalker scene is in here too. Now why did I decide to check this movie out today? This is just so odd. That movie was way too long. The be cool dance part was a redeemer.
July 2 2009: Yea, and when you thought it couldn’t get any worse…
What a day. I just want to run away. I’m tired…mentally and emotionally. I can’t take anymore of this. There’s an omen or something around here and I got to get away.
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