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July 1 2009
It was just last week that I was watching the Dangerous Tour Rehearsals and playing Going Places, The Jacksons Live, and Destiny albums in my car. During the rehearsals a rope swung above his head just missing him and he just looked up and said…interesting. He wore a neon green button up shirt. A lot of preparation goes into that. Remember The Time was cut out of the concert set, but it was nice to see the way it was to be executed live in the rehearsal. I wonder who that dark haired slightly colored dancer is. The crunkest background dancer ever was just as crunk in rehearsals. His name is Ricky Garcia or something. Paula Kelly looked just as gay in rehearsal as he did on concert. Viper looked like viper…and the other dude…I forget about him other than I know Mike always mimics the Jackson 5 placements so he always has 4 dancers. I love when he and Siedah sing IJCSLY. They get way more intimate than he and Sheryl Crowe ever did…and on the live from Bucharest DVD he smacks her ass. Yep! Either they had chemistry or they act very well. He looks deeply at her. This is a boon because she’s BLACK! Ooh and I made my sister laugh when I showed her footage of the Jacksons Variety Show and Linda Carter was the guest. She came out during the On the Wall song (WHICH I LOVE) AND DROPPED IT LIKE IT WAS HOT ON MIKE! She wasn’t all that close but he was within definite reach. She just walked out all diva like, turned her butt to Mike and said WHOMP! I WAS ROLLIN! Some people next to me at the cyber café were on eBay looking for mike t shirts. The little boy who was no older than 5 couldn’t even pronounce his name right, but he knew who he was. I just feel sick. When I was at the mall yesterday the dollar store was selling RIP Mike t shirts. Odd, yet a very warm gesture. One minute i’m smiling because I remembered something about him that makes me happy. The next, PYT is played on the radio and I burst into tears on the 118. I always thought he had sweaty palms. I don’t know, I just thought that. I thought about getting a tattoo. Just his name…and if possible in a script very similar to his signature. Yea, that’s extreme…I usually avoid pain for no damn reason and have been pretty anti tattoo up til now. I used to talk about the fans that had Mike tattoos… Especially the 1980’s ones because he don’t look the same. Now, who am I to talk? I also thought…maybe name a kid after him. Even if it’s a girl. I had a professor named Michale Dale. Yea, she spelled it like that And, I know a lady who’s nickname is Mike. I had known her for a while before I knew what her real name was. Do all people scratch their heads the same? Black people scratch it with that one finger, the pointer. I used to wonder why they didn’t change the beginning of the SOOML video where Mike is sitting on that stool and scratches his head before he starts singing. You know, I used to wonder if Mike really had acne…and he did. I have some super HIGH Definition footage of the Jackson 5 right before Jermaine left when he had that pretty perm…and Mike did have some break outs. Whatever he used worked because I had never seen much. I just wasn’t looking for it, but in this footage it is obvious. You can see imperfections of errbody. I sometimes wonder why I am so involved and upset and it reminds me of a quote from a Janet song…how empty of me to be so full of you. But upon further reflection, I don’t think i’m empty at all…my equilibrium liquid content is fluctuating, that’s all. I have something I call “The Mark of the Musical Genius”. There are at least 4 men whose music represents a state of consciousness to me- they have/had a mole on their face. Mike, Prince, Sananda Maitreya (Terence Trent D’Arby) and Andre 3000. I bet Mike had to have gotten drunk a time or two…I bet he’s a silly drunk. Mike called somebody a schmuck on some interview I have of him. God I would have hated to be the wardrobe people for the Victory Tour. All of that man stank, tight clothes, and jheri curl juice makes for a ghastly odor. Randy’s arms are really long compared to his torso. Or maybe those vertical stripped spandex pants were creating illusions of elongated proportions. Word is Stephanie Mills had a HUGE crush on him and was trying to get with him while he was in NY filming The Wiz….Latoya allegedly messed up their groove one time. Teenaged angst and curiosity, aww. Im’a tell ya’ll my one nasty Mike joke. What did the gynecologist find during Brooke Shields’ pap smear? Michael Jackson’s other glove! Man that is so funny to me! It tickles me rightly fine.
I wonder what were the last things he saw, heard, smelled, felt, and thought. God, I don’t want to see an open casket and I don’t think they’ll do that for the public ceremony, but something weird makes me think I’d like to stroke his hair. Or his wiggy weave. I wonder what his actual hair was like? And did it ever grow back in those spots from the Pepsi commercial. You know, on his rendition of Come Together by the Beatles. Yea, you probably didn’t know he recorded it…you can catch the video at the end of the Moonwalker movie. Anyway, on his version of Come Together he does a toe curling oooh. It’s really gritty. Like he meant that ooh. Damn, Diana Ross is the last living cast member of The Wiz. She’s like Otis from The Temptations. Hey! Mike had on black leather pants…and he didn’t put them mugs on again til the Scream video. Yooo, that white suit from the Thriller album looks really, whomp whomp whomp. Like, yea it’s at least 25 years old and dingy…but it looks really blah. He is hella skinny too. The jacket itself was narrow as hell. I keep singing that song by Stevie Wonder, “I Love You More.” I only know two people in this world who respond to “I Love You” with “I Love You More”. Mike and Nene. That song is pretty. Delicate. I’m bored. This is a time when I would dig into my Mike repertoire to entertain my self, but I’m scared I’ll have another break down. I’ve cried at least 4 times today. Everyday is different, but the same…sad. Ooh, on the 1988 Grammys when he is singing Man in the Mirror he does this cool vocal thing. When he be singing “you you you you” and adlibbing all Mike-like. He does this deep voice thing and it is AWESOME! I wonder if he had on knee pads when he spun around and fell to his knees those two times? I didn’t see any bulges at the knee, so I guess not. I wonder why he flicked his hand like something gross was on it. A course should be taught in Mike Mannerisms 101. I’m so tired of being sad, but I don’t know how to be happy. There’s a Jacksons song called Think Happy. Man, how can fate be so cruel?
Action Taken: July 1 2009
Thanks to a companion who tells me what I need to hear when I need to hear it without saccharin. My journey to release myself from this situation has begun.
Observation: July 1 2009
Desert plants look weird and wiry. Like hair standing on end, a dry scalp full of dandruff to anchor their roots.
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