Freedom is Having No Fear

by

I was watching “What Happened, Miss Simone?” Nina Simone was saying that freedom is having no fear. I was like, wow…freedom is having no fear?! I realized that I am not free because my entire life has been shabbily wrapped in fear. A fear of myself, a fear of others, a fear of my present, and a fear of my future. So in essence, in my 33 years on this earth I have never been free because there as always been an undercurrent of fear. Fear instilled in me by white supremacy.

There is a fear of my blackness or my perceived blackness. A fear of white people and their hatred of me. As a child I didn’t even know why they hated me, but I knew they hated me and that hate I feared. I feared my upbringing and childhood circumstances. I feared my disadvantage due to my poverty. I feared my lack of privilege.

I fear my body. To this day I still fear it because I fear the backlash I’ll receive from men. I fear my curves for clothes won’t fit. I fear my curves for the snickers I’ll get and the comparisons to harlots and whores based on my body type. I fear my womanhood. Something so sacred and such a blessing. I fear that which I am . I fear my womb. My womb given to me by Africa, the place from which came all of humanity.

I fear this city. I fear this country. I fear a place where I can leave my house and not see another face that looks like mine. I fear the police because God forbid if I exercise my “rights” I may die at the hands of a racist pig in the uniform of systematic police brutality and oppression.

I fear the increase in my consciousness. Just like Brother Baldwin said “To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time.” I fear my anger. I fear my worry. I fear my station in this world. I have two counts against me. I am black. I am a woman. Those two things I cannot change and are two marks against me no matter how hard I work and how impressive my credentials may be. I fear those things, those institutional things, those systematic things that I cannot change.

I fear bringing a child into this world that I cannot protect because of all of the aforementioned issues. If I felt empowered enough to protect my child and confident that my husband could protect us then I’d be alright. But our family is under attack. There is war on the black family, has been since the white man stepped foot on the continent.

I am turning my anger into action by sharing my thoughts here for all to see. What I write is who I am and I don’t apologize for my intricacies, my force, my love, my fear, my humanity. I don’t apologize for who I was made to be. I know that I was made with purpose and I am here at this time on this earth for a reason. That reason is to give empowerment. That purpose to to exude Black Power. That purpose is to preach unity to all black peoples all over this planet. It may be a drop in the pool, but I know without a doubt that the drop I contribute will make us stronger.

We will gain freedom because we must all be on a quest to live our lives without fear. We are perfect and imperfect at the same time and we may have moments of fear, but we cannot quit. Our ancestors did not quit and we must honor them and invoke that spirit. It may not come in our lifetime, but we must keep fighting and using our God given gifts to add to the movement. Ase.

by