by 
I feel sick. I have had bouts of nervousness throughout the day. I’m scared and I don’t comprehend this. There are so many unanswered questions. I cannot, will not accept this. God, if I feel this way as a fan, I cannot imagine how his family and friends feel.
6/28/09 11:11pm
Two months til his birthday. I don’t feel right, all over. I don’t think I will live another day without crying tears of pain and loss. I mean, my mind hurts, my heart hurts, my stomach hurts, and the tips of my fingers feel nervous with rigidity. Everyday I wake up to despair and I go to sleep not wanting to see another painful day. I feel antsy, like I want to turn my skin inside out. I just want to scream NO. Damn, now I can’t click the spell check button without wincing in mental anguish, ABC. I don’t know if I can do this. I just can’t take it. I am this damn close to just shutting down.
6/29/09 6:04 am
by