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10-6-09
Baby Phat is now being sold at Walmart. Interesting. The sound of a stripper going down a pole is a funny one.
I’m afraid to love because I’m afraid to lose. That makes for a sad state of existence. I tend to adore from afar, worried that the touch would be too much for me to bear. So like this, in the shadows dreaming and wishing I fare.
Me thinking deeply, but some baby will one day get Mike’s social security number, It would be cool to learn who had your SSN before you. I wonder exactly how that rule works. How many years/months have to pass before that number is available?
Does you body ever not feel like your own? Like you are…your essence is your soul and there is some disjointing. Like your soul doesn’t fit snugly inside your body. There’s a little bit of space between you and the shell and your soul rattles around a little. Makes you feel like you can step outside of yourself. Your body. Makes me kind of dizzy and unsteady on my soul’s feet. Almost like it wants to escape. It’s a nervous feeling. Like having so much energy and love and things you want to do that you almost want to burst into tears; maybe even a little fit because this body is holding your soul back from its destiny.
10-7-09
Uncouth-when a person haucks up phlegm in the company of others and I don’t mean PITEWEY. Hawacccchgh!
10-8-09
Living until you’re old and gray. Is it all its cracked up to be? Seems to me like it would be depressing. You’re just sitting and watching everyone you love die. Seems like a type of mental torture. It’s the Otis from the Temptations kind of life. Everyone in your inner circle dies and it just leaves you trying to recapture/recreate the “what used to be.” Being old is often times lonely too. Wee shit, it make no difference because I am young and somewhat Verile and probably as lonely as your run of the mill geriatric person. Maybe those live hard, party all night, die when you’re young rockers had it right. It sucks to live long enough to see all of the people you know get sick from one illness or another and perish. It just seems unfair and cruel. Whoever made this world sure has a certain level of complex organic thought.
Stranger in Moscow feels like a heartbeat. Or like it’s keeping time. The slow motion flutter of a hummingbird’s wings. I am starting to think that life won’t get better. It just changes; maintaining just about the same levels of disdain, misfortune, and hazy gray as it always has.
It sucks to be acutely aware of your mortality. Why do organisms have to die? Can’t they just regenerate?
10-9-09
Yo, Mike was affiliated with all the little black kid boy groups back in the day. The Boys, ABC, Kriss Kross. My Little boy group baby daddies:
The Boys-Hakeem
ABC-Red
Kriss Kross-The light skinned Chris
Damn it! No wonder Sananda be up in Switzerland. Milan is like a road trip away. I would really like to meet him. I don’t know what I’d say outside of thanks.
In everything I do he somehow flows through me. An energy, a hope. No matter how dim the light may be right now.
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