Month: July 2009

July 4 2009 Was watching CNN Headline News. They ran a story about the casket Mike is going to have. Some gold thing from Batesville, IN. The little white people are all excited about him being buried in one of their town’s caskets. Misplaced excitement is what I call it. They say it’s the same…

July 3 2009 I feel nervous till. Bought the People magazine with Mike on it. I feel sad too. This whole thing feels not right. In the last pic of him from Tuesday’s rehearsal he has his Blood on the Dance Floor hair. I like the ensemble. That red shirt really makes it pop although…

July 2 2009 It was a week ago today and I feel as if my soul has been raked over hot coals. The month of June will always be a melancholy one henceforth. His beauty haunts me. This just really makes no sense to me. It all feels very unreal. I know I keep saying…

July 1 2009 It was just last week that I was watching the Dangerous Tour Rehearsals and playing Going Places, The Jacksons Live, and Destiny albums in my car. During the rehearsals a rope swung above his head just missing him and he just looked up and said…interesting. He wore a neon green button up…

June 30 2009 Dreaming of a brighter tomorrow, where the sun’s rays dance circles on my face. The moon’s glow leaves pallor on the human race. Where balloons float on high with love. Where flowers bloom and their stem, a dove. I dream of clouds with a gentle mist. And stares that come with a…

June 29, 2009 What is life, but a feigned attempt at immorality? For all of the world’s worth, it comes down to nothing, really. What is a girl, but a reflection of generations of femininity? What is a boy, but the shadow and future bread of what his father wishes to be? Do you wake…

I feel sick. I have had bouts of nervousness throughout the day. I’m scared and I don’t comprehend this. There are so many unanswered questions. I cannot, will not accept this. God, if I feel this way as a fan, I cannot imagine how his family and friends feel.6/28/09 11:11pm Two months til his birthday….

It’s 1:09am June 27, 2009. I just got back from Hayvenhurst. AMAZINGLY, I didn’t cry. I don’t know what was going on because all indicators (based on my bursts of tears throughout the day and the butterflies in my stomach as I drove to Encino) said I was going to break down. But I didn’t….

June 27-28 2009 I submerged myself. Thanks to Taryn I went out to Mingle & Plei and the DJ played a lot of Mike. The TVs were also on VH1’s Mike tribute. I got to hear lovely one, heart break hotel, and can you feel it aloud. I got to watch MJ videos for the…

June 26, 2009 I was up so late my eyes burned a deep hot maddening red until 1 something this morning…just to wake up at 5:34am and wallow in despair. I don’t know how I am supposed to get through this. There is a gaping hole in my heart. I can’t hear his music, it…